I came upon a copy of Sex at Dawn, a nonfiction book about why human beings are evolutionarily predisposed to be non-monogamous
Then I discovered polyamory. The book was very funny and informative and I read it at lightning speed in three days. I especially enjoyed the accounts of cultures that do not have ple, Polynesian tribes that encouraged their women to be promiscuous with outsiders in order to strengthen the gene pool on isolated island communities; native South American women who would have sex with as many men as possible while trying to conceive because they believe that more than one father contributed to a baby’s genetics; or the Asian tribe where women took on as many lovers as they wanted because the women raised offspring with their birth families. I became fascinated with the topic and began to learn what country has the hottest women in the world as much as I could on the internet and from books.
The liberation I felt at learning about polyamory was like the liberation I felt at abandoning my Mormon beliefs. I realized that I no longer had to stuff myself into this box that society had imposed on me all my life. I no longer had to feel like a deviant or a slut for not conforming comfortably to this box. Outside the box is a whole world with many options that I had never known about before. Polyamory was not just an alternative to monogamy, it was the discovery that we can each create the world that we want to live in. From open relationships to polyfidelity to solo polyamory, there are so many ways that people can come together without breaking others apart. The world was suddenly wide open, full of tenderness and possibility.
Some people say that they are poly by orientation, others say it is a lifestyle. It dawned on me that in my fantasies of my ideal life I never pictured myself as wife to one husband. Since I was a teenager, my fantasy has always been to live in a household with both men and women, all loving each other, and sometimes with children that we were all raising together. I fantasized about living in a community of artists, activists, and spiritual seekers as instinctively as some women dream about their prince charming. For my entire life I entertained this fantasy like a writer entertains an idea for a novel, or as a form of escape from reality, but I never entertained it seriously as a possible lifestyle. Since then I have learned a lot more about polyamory (and intentional communities) and it has changed my perception. I see my fantasy as the human dream for community, which since the dawn of time has enabled our survival as a species. It is a dream of love and family beyond the bonds of that is as native to the earth as life its itself.
I saw beauty in all kinds of people, and loved them regardless of their age, race, religion or gender
By then I was free of the Mormon yoke. I had renounced my limiting beliefs in Mormonism and was on an exhilarating path of spiritual and personal discovery. But I struggled with monogamy. I was in a stage of my life where I and the people I was involved with moved frequently and relationships often became long distance long before they naturally lost their luster. Having a local lover when I had a long distance one made the long absences easier to bear. In addition I usually wanted to add lovers, not take away or exchange. Whenever I had a new lover who wanted me exclusively, it hurt me tremendously to let go of the previous one, and when I was attracted to someone, it hurt me to hold back because I was already in a relationship. Perhaps I’m indecisive, but we are never forced to make such choices when it comes to friendship. I didn’t like doing it in romantic relationships.